


Dec 20

by dizzy



Series: Crisscolfer Advent 2015 [20]
Category: Glee RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-21
Updated: 2015-12-21
Packaged: 2018-05-08 01:50:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5478875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dizzy/pseuds/dizzy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Darren had always found the rumours that he was dating his costar hilarious. He was straight. Why would anyone think he had a crush on his cute, funny, talented, gorgeous, amazing, sexy...uh oh."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dec 20

Darren gets asked about Chris now and then. Mostly it comes from social media, but once in a while from interviewers who haven't read the briefing well enough. 

Darren says he thinks it's funny. He says doesn't know why everyone goes to such lengths to make sure he doesn't talk about his co-star. It'd just be natural, right? There's nothing weird about it. It's more weird if he doesn't. 

The argument goes nowhere. Darren clings to ignorance in some fucked up attempt to find bliss. It doesn't work. 

*

He wakes up in a cold swear in the middle of the night, the dream of a kiss so vivid he can taste it. 

He closes and sucks in air like a drowning man. In the morning he'll find the strength to laugh it off. They had to kiss a hundred times for the camera. His brain is just being fucked up. 

It's not that the kisses meant anything. It's not that there was anything between them. It's not like he misses it. 

Repression is a bitch. 

*

He almost calls Chris sometimes, but they've got rules in place. They might never have been spoken aloud but they existed nonetheless, and Darren's not sure what would happen if he ever broke one of them but he's sure it wouldn't be pretty. 

He doesn't blame Chris, really. There was a time when Darren wanted to be friends, but Chris has always had a sharper mind. He could see from the start what miserable friends they'd make. Whatever they are, whatever is between them, it's a simmering pot that wouldn't take much to boil over. 

But it own't. Because that's not them. Because Darren's straight and Chris isn't fucking around with anyone in the closet. 

If Darren were in the closet. 

He's not. 

Because he's straight. 

*

Darren doesn't hold it against Chris. Chris just does what Darren doesn't have the balls to do. In another lifetime, Chris might have been the support system he needed. But Darren came along at a time in Chris's life when Chris needed a support system just as much. 

Soulmates don't exist, and if they do fate is having a fucking laugh at them. Chris views everything as a battle he needs to fight head on, and Darren's specialty is running from his demons. 

Their individual battles contradict in a way that couldn't be overcome even if they tried. 

But they didn't try. Because Darren's straight. Because all those people have it wrong. 

He can't even think it with a straight (hah) face anymore. 

Darren's a goddamn mess inside his own head. Why would he have subjected anyone else to that? It's easier for everyone if he just keeps on spouting what the good people tell him to say with a smile on his face. 

* 

The thing is, Chris was just - pretty fucking awesome. 

Darren's thought it since day one. Chris was funny as fuck, smart as hell, witty and confident in all the right ways. Chris is everything Darren has always been drawn to, lit from within and on a path he wasn't letting anyone else convince him to stray from. 

Being around Chris was always kind of intoxicating. It was downright dangerous, once in a while, when the lights were low and the booze was flowing. They walked circles around each other and pretended there was no gravitational pull fucking with their stability. 

They won't go down in the history books, but their names will linger on people's lips for a while yet. Good chemistry, people will say. Iconic characters. Wonder whatever happened to them? I heard that one writes books now. 

Darren doesn't have any answers. He's not sure he ever has. He pays people to come up with those for him, right? 

*

Christmas Day and Darren's got no fucking idea what he's doing. 

He's driven around for four hours. He feels fucked up and fucked over by life. This isn't what he wanted. He's not sure how it all fell apart so fast. 

He's not sure how _he_ fell apart, and it's frustrating because from the outside looking in he's still just fine and fucking dandy. But on the inside he's lost and he wants to shake something up. He wants a change, he wants something drastic. He could get on a plane and not tell anyone where he's going. He could pick up his phone and actually talk to his fans without some middle man deciding what flies and what doesn't. He could grow a pair of balls and shout loudly enough that people have to listen to him. 

But he's never been good at defying authority. He's a people pleaser. He'll sneak his way around rules and charm his way out of punishments but he won't do anything irreversible. 

*

His car ends up in front of a house he's really only been to a few times. Never alone. No casual visits. That just wasn't them. Alone was dangerous. 

Chris invited him a few times. Darren always wanted to say yes. But he's toed that line like it actually made a fucking difference. 

What does it mean when the whole world can see something you still aren't allowed to admit? Toward the end there, it was rough. They could laugh off rumors and jokes to a crowd but alone, together, they were dominated by everything they couldn't say or do. 

Darren wonders lately, with a stupid amount of frequency, what it would be like to kiss Chris for real. 

Now he sits in front of Chris's house. It's gated, shut away from the world. He couldn't get in if he tried, but he has Chris's number and he feels like doing something dumb. 

Either Chris will open the door and let him in, or Chris won't. He won't be shocked if it's the latter. Chris owes him nothing. They are nothing to each other. Former co-stars, former castmates, the shallowest of friends, and never, never anymore more. 

Chris probably isn't even home. Darren picks up his phone and finds Chris's name in his contact list anyway. 

* 

It doesn't snow in California but cold swoops in overnight. Darren spends it warmer than he's ever been, sitting in Chris's living room talking until his throat is raw. 

Nothing happens overnight. There are no drastic confessions of anything. But he says he wants to talk and Chris says he's ready to listen. 

It's a good start for them.


End file.
